So, some guy messaged me on okcupid a few days ago and I thought, "Whatever, I'm bored and alone," so I messaged him back today and I was talking to him through okcupid IM. Hmmm. Well, I've decided I'll keep talking to him if he keeps initiating conversations (as mentioned, I am bored), but... eh. Not a good "talker" at least over IM - his responses were not super short, but there really wasn't much there. And he kept forgetting my answers to questions. I think the first thing I told him was that I was currently unemployed (I wanted to get that out of away in case it was a dealbreaker for him) and then the last think he asked me was what I did for for work? *sigh* We talked a lot about Columbia College because it turned out that he went there too and he works there... but it took him a while to realize I went there, and he asked me what I got my degree in three times. Yes, really.

He seems very bitter about having gone to Columbia. Now, I'm not exactly happy with how things turned out (I mean, I have no idea what to do with my degree if i don't go to LA to write, which, for now, is not what I want), and I can be... resentful, I guess... But it wasn't all bad. Living in Chicago rocked. The first year of school was super-fun. He just... didn't have one good thing to say. Not about the school. Not about his department. And he still works there. He's a tutor. So, yeah... it was amusing, but whatever.

I had always thought I would wait until I was employed to start dating again. I'm very big about going dutch and splitting the expenses, so not having an income... it just doesn't work. I guess I will have to stick to that after all.

What's strange is I was thinking about it and I cannot imagine being in a relationship again. It just boggles me, the whole idea of being a couple... how weird that I did that once. Even the idea of cuddling doesn't sound too appealing, and I LOVED to cuddle at one point. Weird. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I guess its just strange because I was always a relationship person. I've never really played the feild. i guess I always thought I wasn't really suave enough to. I mean, I'm quite overweight. I'm shy. I'm geeky. A dating person? How could I be one of those? But I want to be. I want to have, like, four casual boyfriends who go on dates with me, but don't want much. Its weird for me to admit that, because I always thought I longed for a deeper attachment, but... looking at the two longer relationships I've had... one was with a guys with major issues that couldn't commit because of those, and the other was a guy who I got very passionate with very quickly, but when I came up for air I discovered I barely liked him. One day I thought about this and wondered if maybe I was choosing guys who I couldn't possibly end up with because, deep down, I don't want to end up with them. Or anyone. I'm just not into a relationship, and I don't care.

But I would like to date. It sounds exciting.

Gah. I am about to have an emo!fest. No joke. But let's start the post off with something good, shall we? It's nice to do that. :) I had a good weekend. Rachael came to visit, and ended up spending saturday and sunday out here. I saw Twilight for the first time (lololololololol). We went to the mall (if only I could spend $70 on a dress! I liked one). Generally, there was lots of hanging out, geeking out, and generally having fun. I got a bit drunker than I should have on Saturday night and was a bit obnoxious, but not in the omg!drama way, but definitely in the verbal diarrhea way. And some of my thoughts? Are dumb. Especially when intoxicated. So, no more getting drunk for a while. Overall, though - yay for this weekend!

I was hoping that the afterglow of the weekend we keep me in good spirits for a while. But it wasn't meant to be. I applied for a job at an insurance agency as a Bodily Injury Claims Specialist, which I actually thought would be sort of cool. I just got an email from them saying that don't want me. I, no kidding, had three interviews last week, including an interview to be a nursing home receptionist. Well, I got called about that one this morning, they are not calling me back for a second interview. *sigh* I haven't heard back from the other two, but I don't have high hopes. One said that they'd keep me in the running, but they thought I was overqualified. The other place... who knows. Either way, I am feeling quite dejected. I have already applied for my minimum two jobs of the day, but they were just craigslist jobs. One was at a company I interviewed at in February/March (whichever), for the same job. A customer service rep at a bridal gown company. I guess whoever they hired didn't work out. I sent in my application, and tomorrow I think I'll give them a call.

What's strange is, I feel that with each interview I am getting better. Mostly. I used to be super nervous. Now, I don't get so worked up (which maybe is a bad thing, it is hard for me to be enthused). I used to go in with almost no prep. Now, I have three of four website with sample questions that I sit with and prepare with before I interview. They always seem to like me. I mean, I am not perfect. I usually have an awkward moment or two, and I am working on making my answers to questions more concise (I have always tried to be thorough, but now I am starting to feel that this leads to the occasional ramble, which is bad). I always look nice. My resume could be better, but I do have a pretty solid work history, and my GPA and college-related achievements are decently brag-able. Did I mention I dress nice? So, why don't people like me? wahwahwah. I have been blaming the economy for months, now. The excuse means nothing to me anymore. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I suck? Blah. I know I don't suck. I know that once I'm employed I will be awesome because I am a hard worker, and I have decently high standards for myself and tasks I preform, and I'm resourceful, etc. But I tell people these things over and over - cover letters, interviews, blahblahblah - and it gets me no where. If I were rich, I'd hire a job-getting coach or something. I feel there must be something I'm missing, but I don't know who to turn to to get advice. Oh well. I'm sure something will come to me.

And the longer I go without having a job, the more I question everything. Am I going for the right kinds of jobs? Am I making a huge mistake by not pursuing a TV career? If I fell in love with another field, am I too old to pursue it now? Should I go back to school? Would that matter? et cetera et cetera et cetera.

So, yeah. I am frustrated. And unhappy. But, whatever. I think I might go get some coffee and sit down and starbucks for a while and day dream, just to sit around somewhere that's not this house. Maybe I'll go to the gym. Sandor comes back tomorrow. On one hand, it is nice to have him around. On the other hand, I really haven't cooled off about the gymn issue. I think I could go with him a few days a week, but not every day. I don't want to hang out every day anymore. It turns hanging out into just as much of a chore as a release, which sucks.

To end on a happy note - the Tyrells are doing awesome in the Westeros-related communities! And my application at hogwartselite should be up soon, since a new sorting term just started. Venting here made me feel a bit better already, so that's good. Yay, livejournal.

At the recommendation of someone from the ASN boards, I got myself a drawing tablet (my college graduation gift to myself - thank you various aunts + uncles for congratulating me with money). It came yesterday, and I just started playing with it today. It is super neat! I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, and I keep accidentally hitting buttons I shouldn't, but who cares? It's fun.

Being the huge NERD that I am, the first thing I tried (and the only thing as of yet, besides random messing around) is fanart. I tried to draw Azula from "Avatar: The Last Airbender." The sketch is terrible (i am still learning how to control the pen, haha) but whatever, I am proud anyway. Drawn and "colored" in corel 4.

( Pig-faced Princess Azula )

will I be able to perfect this (and draw other stuff) in time to enter the westeros sorting art contest this month? Signs point to no, but I will surely try.

Icon update!

total icons: 96

fandoms represented: A Song of Ice and Fire, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Battlestar: Galactica, Dollhouse, Doctor Who, Firely, Harry Potter... actually, that's it. I was never one for fandom diversity. But, I have 8 slots left (well, seven - just realized I HAVE NO HELO ICON - AHH), so who knows.

:D

The Awesome:

OMG - xmaidelx got me ICONS! Ahh! It is the best thing that's happened in the history of my time at livejournal. I am SO happy! (((hugs maidel))) :D :D :D I woke up and checked my email and - boom! LJ Says: You getz icons cuz of xmaidelx. :D I spent far too much time looked through old posts of all my favorite people. So far I have collected: 43 Battlestar Icons, 8 Avatar The Last Airbender Icons, 6 A Song of Ice and Fire Icons, 4 Dollhouse Icons, 1 Doctor Who icon, 1 Firefly icon. And still have, like, fourty slots left! Ahh! Is this heaven? *searches for more*

The Un-Awesome

Interview!fail! I had an interview for what I thought was a secretary job... turns out, not exactly. It was with a real estate agency, and they were looking for someone who they could put through school and make a realtor while working as their secretary. *sigh* I am so desperate at this point, I considered just lying my way through the interview to get the job, but... no, that's wrong. Little Miss Capitalist-Hating* Introvert is not going to become a realtor. It would be wrong to waste their money and their time. It seemed so nice, though, except for that small detail. Full Time work for five months minimum at $10 an hour. Since I don't know what I want, getting a job that I knew would end seemed all right. I could get some money, start saving a bit. But... alas. This just wasn't the job.

It was niced to be asked to interview, though. I think its been over a month since my last one. To be fair, I took about three weeks off the job search. From the second week of May until the end of the month. It was burned out. Graduation + my birthday was a great excuse to just take a mental breather. In that time, I applied to maybe three jobs total. This week, I was back to my standard 2 per day - including annoying lengthy applications for government jobs. But yeah. The interviewer seemed okay. He was Russian by the name of Sergei and he just seemed like a nice man. It was a good surprise, because the combination of accent + bad cell reception made him seem like a very harsh dude when I talked to him Thursday. Just thought I'd mention that.

*eh, capitalism isn't 100% evil, but I am failing at it right now

Goals
So, this week my goals are...( Read more... )

Meetup.com Gave Me a Live
Look! I have things-to-do. It's good.

June 10 - my second time going to the Naperville Writers' Meetup!

June 16 - I joined a group called "Consciousness" were they talk about being awake/human. This month, the theme is pain. Does this not sound epic? I am not sure I'll go as its in the city, but I wanna go. It would be a good day - discuss pain with random people from meetup.com, then watch the burn-off of Ron Moore/Michael Taylor's Virtuality, which I've heard good things about.

*looks up other meetup.com thing*
June 27 - I joined a group called "time travel", which I figured would be a bunch of nerds watching time travel movies (and maybe Dr. Who) and talking about how cool it is. Not so! I got an email from the group coordinator which says, "I am pleased to announce that Professor Sergiy Koshkin, Boas Assistant Professor of Mathematics at Northwestern University and Ph.D. from Kansas State University, has agreed to conduct a lecture for our group. It will be entitled, "Why Nature Abhors Time Travel?" It will be held on Saturday, June 27th from 12 to 1 p.m. at Northwestern University's Evanston." I must go! How many opportunities do you get to hear a real physicist lecture on time travel?

Also on June 27 - the burn-off of Ron Moore/Michael Taylor's Virtuality, which I've heard good things about.It will be an epic day.

Sadly, I think this is the most planned activity I've had since... a while. :D

Okay, for the record, "reimaginings" can be wonderful. "Battlestar: Galactica" is pretty much my favorite show ever, and it is a reimagining.

And the new "Star Trek" movie? It's fine by me. I was entertained, all it well.

And the James Bond relaunch? Not a bad idea. I enjoy Daniel Craig. No problem.

But... This Pisses Me Off

"A new incarnation of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" could be coming to the big screen...."

I don't know how I feel about this. Whedon would not be involved.

On the one hand, it could be fine. I'm sure it will be a lot like "Star Trek" but with some-random-teen-star - a fun-enough string of action sequences with a romance somewhere in the mix and lots of hand to hand combat. And, of course, it will be nice to have a kick-ass girl on screen for all the kids. Roles models, blah blah blah. But... eh. I'm not thrilled. It's too soon. It's not necessary. It... doesn't make me happy.

I am growing a bit tired of re-movies and re-shows.

Stolen from gogorachet who stole it from jesatria and so on and so forth.

Name your 15 absolutely favorite couples (het/slash/canon/fanon) and ask people to see what trends they notice about your couples. Try to pick different fandoms:

01. Mal/Inara (firefly)
02. 10/Rose (Dr. Who)
03. Snape/Lupin (HP)
04. Starbuck/Anders (bsg)
05. Xander/Anya (btvs)
06. Sawyer/Juliet (Lost)
07. Veronica/Logan (Veronica Mars)
08. Angela/Dwight (the Office)
09. Zuko/Toph (Avatar - in theory more than anything)
10. the doctor/Seven of Nine (star trek: voyager)
11. ??
12. ??
13. ??
14. ??
15. ??

I think that's the best I can do.

THE ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME

So... anybody want to anonymously (or not anonymously?) critique me?

I made a writing journal over a year ago, but never ended up using it, really. In fact the story I have posed in the meme, Roadside, is one of two whole stories up there (and the only one that's not friend-locked, though if you'd like to read the other one just friends the journal).

I was rather excited to find the meme (thanks, mixingblossoms. I have been having trouble finding a critique group since I moved back in with mom. I found one on meetup.com that's really close, but it has closed membership. And for some inexplicable reason, they won't let me in. WTF? I applied almost two months ago, and not a word. I even emailed the maintainer after a month, asking what was up. No response. Assholes. That actually makes me angry. But, whatever. I found an open membership group a little further away, and since I have a car it's not really a big deal. So, next Wednesday I will go to my first meeting. Yay!


...also, what is dreamwidth and why do I need it? *is confused*

I decided to put a batch of icons up at pickmybest. I haven't done that in FOREVER!

So, iconing people on my flist... vote for me? *bats eyelashes* pretty please?

Pick my best?

Preview:

I'd love the critique. Hit me with your worst! I recently branched out into iconing "Avatar: The Last Airbender", an animated show, and I think that's going pretty well, but my live-action, BSG icons have been stale as of late, imo.